| | I've traveled over 6,000 miles since the 20th of May and have another 1200 to go this weekend. I love chaos and busy-ness in my life, but this is getting to be too much.
I challenged myself to go to Seattle without my laptop, with the result of feeling a bit more detached from it but still wasting too much time and still not writing like I should be.
Between travels, there have been several disappointments and surprises...
I had to give up soda and later go on a special diet to sort out some GI issues. The diet has been a hassle because I was expected to run around Austin for 12 hours a day running on peaches and Jello; I think I'm still feeling the sugar buzz. He also wanted me off dairy, just in case, which has seriously compromised most of my diet and raised the cost of my chais 40-50 cents. We still don't know the cause, but I am feeling a bit better. I had half a 7-Up last night and felt okay, so soda may make a graceful return. My next appointment is Monday.
I still haven't heard from the woman in charge of the New Orleans gig. I don't feel that she likes me (or at least not my resume, since that's all she knows at this point), but I'm missing a lot of context (such as what she is like as a person, how good is her relationship with her daughter, who referred me, and why the program funding hasn't come through yet).
The haunted house where I have worked the last two years is officially closed. Not only am I out a fall job/creative outlet, I'm also out a lot of time spent planning and am left with a bunch of junk I'd been hoarding. Good thing that roof guy didn't bring those palettes after all...
I got a bill in the mail this morning from a hospital expense incurred and paid two years ago. I am also having issues with a credit card company charging interest I don't understand but have put off calling.
I got a book I'd forgotten I'd lent to--I don't know, an ex-friend?, ex-lover?--on my windshield wiper this morning. I've missed the friendship a lot more than the book.
I've taken a break from following politics closely since the convention in Austin, but Obama's decision to refuse public financing has upset me and I haven't yet made time to look into it and think about it further.
Two out of the three people (well, technically, three out of four, but two were together) I wanted to visit in and around Seattle didn't come through. And I don't just mean we couldn't meet up, I mean they failed to notify me as our preliminary plans became undoable, and for days, I heard nothing, no "yea" or "nay". Luckily, there were contingency plans, but even my girlfriend and co-traveler admits that four days with her nieces may have been too much.
I've still never been to Canada.
I realized that I spent more money and thought on souvenirs for my girlfriend's kids than my own niece and nephew, but that it made sense because I see more of them and know them better.
The travels have taxed both of my relationships in unusual ways. I'm positively blissful when I am alone with one or the other, but the time between is often spent in terror of offending or slighting someone... We are each usually wishing there were more hours in a day and fewer miles in our way, but my faraway girlfriend has gotten used to seeing a lot of me so saying goodbye gets even harder and ever-higher levels of communication seem obligatory, my local girlfriend misses our usual time together and probably wants more but is scared to ask for it and frets over it all, and I am terrified that I will some day have to walk away from both rather than choose one because I love so intensely and I am so poor at balancing the hours in the day. I keep trying to bring this all up, to ask them or warn them and talk about how things might improve, but to little avail. I feel like I'm not saying it right. Although I'm pretty sure blurting it on a blog is not the best way to do it, right now it's the only one I can think of.
Oh, I suppose I should probably be making time for myself in there, too... somewhere. You know, meditate, read tarot, something...
A budding more-than-friendship ended abruptly before it had truly began. Is it possible to be 100% in agreement and respect of her reasons but still miss the opportunity? It was a nice prospect to have a cuddle friend who lived nearby, but I've been busy and shy about reaching out since.
I've been entrusted with some of Kare's old computer files, which need to be sorted and certain things extracted. They also came with a lovely bouquet of old adware that McAfee is still hunting down.
My high school reunion is this weekend. I'm not going. I was active and enthusiastic in the early stages of planning, but a few aggravations with my fellow committee members led to weaker communication led to me being left out of decisions and other processes led to me getting distracted with other things led to those distractions becoming more important to me led to me not really wanting to go. There are other convenient excuses, too, about timing and who will or won't be there that I actually want to see, but it's still a little bittersweet.
I want to talk to my best friend about more of what's going on in my life, but I think I am putting up a wall. I keep fearing that as my life gets ever-crazier and he moves on with his traditional marriage and religious values, he will gradually move awaw from love and respect toward mere tolerance, if he hasn't already. He has assured me before that this will not happen, but the less we talk, the more I feel it, and the more I fear talking to him.
I spent way too much money on these trips, about three times my usual monthly expenses, and will be unlikely to have new income secured before that next credit card bill hits. I have made it all year without asking my grandfather for money; I'd really prefer to continue that trend.
My favorite annual issue of my favorite magazine is out now, but my subscription ran out six months ago and I can't really afford to renew it right now... no, it's not sold in (many) stores.
I'm far behind in reading other people's blogs, but so far my efforts at catching up on them haven't been very satisfying. I'm also watching a lot of TV... I really am in the mood to zone, aren't I?
Wow, that's a lot of whining. Surely there's something uplifting to write about... a couple days ago,
I finally explored a bike-ridable path from my neighborhood to the
nearest shopping center. It's pretty, hilly but not intensely so, low
traffic... I may have finally found an area to ride around here, and should help a little with exercise and gas prices.
Tomorrow night, I will be in Tennessee, snarfing away on the Best Ribs Ever. Then Sunday, we're going back for more, and hoping to bring a few back to share.
I bought a couple of records from an antique store in Pt. Townsend, including one of Duke Ellington's finest performance, the 1956 Newport Jazz Festival. I don't even have a record player, but they were too lovely to pass up.
I've been singing Les Miserables and Aerosmith the last day or two and loving the hell out of both.
I have some great ideas for small writing projects that might bring in a tiny bit of cash, then I'm looking forward to entering the editing stage of the novel I finished in April.
I am loved, in so many wonderful and fulfilling ways. I know that whatever comes next will not change that fact.
Wow, writing that last line (and taking a deep breath) helped. A lot. :)
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| | Posted 6/27/2008 2:38 PM - 94 Views - 4 eProps - 3 comments
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